Control.
Control is a funny thing.
We all seek it. We all yearn for it. Even if you consider yourself a docile, laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of person, you seek control in some aspect.
I think it very much has to do with everything seeming so very out of control these days. If you watch the news anymore, you see story after story of the world slipping, receiving lash after lash from our cruel natures, dripping with the blood and anguish of those hurting in all its corners. Where is the control?
We look to our parent’s marriages, our church, our friends, our children, and we see that we are losing control. People are turning on each other, bonds are broken, marriages falling apart. Where is the control?
We look to ourselves and the extra 40 pounds we are carrying. We see that we continue to eat more than we should, move less than we should. We see the laundry piling up, the bathrooms that need cleaning, the car that needs vacuuming. Where is the control?
So we seek it. We grasp at it in everything we can. We try to get control over our bodies, over our kids, over our marriages, over our house. We hunt it down and then if we happen to find even its shadow we tighten our grip and furrow our brows, swearing that we will keep it this time. We will prove to everyone that we have control, because everyone else has convinced us that they have it too.
But do you want to know a secret? There is no control. Not that we can have, at least. We get glimpses of it, but it’s a distorted, cruel version. We yell because the kids will not control themselves at the dinner table. We storm because the house will not stay clean. We cry because our bodies do not look like what we are told they should. And so we frighten the children with our raised voices. We chuck things into their rightful places until the house is clean. We convince ourselves that we have the time and energy to always stay the course when it comes to clean eating. And we convince ourselves that this is control. That we are the one at top, finally getting it right.
Control is a funny thing.
We all seek it. We all yearn for it. Even if you consider yourself a docile, laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of person, you seek control in some aspect.
I think it very much has to do with everything seeming so very out of control these days. If you watch the news anymore, you see story after story of the world slipping, receiving lash after lash from our cruel natures, dripping with the blood and anguish of those hurting in all its corners. Where is the control?
We look to our parent’s marriages, our church, our friends, our children, and we see that we are losing control. People are turning on each other, bonds are broken, marriages falling apart. Where is the control?
We look to ourselves and the extra 40 pounds we are carrying. We see that we continue to eat more than we should, move less than we should. We see the laundry piling up, the bathrooms that need cleaning, the car that needs vacuuming. Where is the control?
So we seek it. We grasp at it in everything we can. We try to get control over our bodies, over our kids, over our marriages, over our house. We hunt it down and then if we happen to find even its shadow we tighten our grip and furrow our brows, swearing that we will keep it this time. We will prove to everyone that we have control, because everyone else has convinced us that they have it too.
But do you want to know a secret? There is no control. Not that we can have, at least. We get glimpses of it, but it’s a distorted, cruel version. We yell because the kids will not control themselves at the dinner table. We storm because the house will not stay clean. We cry because our bodies do not look like what we are told they should. And so we frighten the children with our raised voices. We chuck things into their rightful places until the house is clean. We convince ourselves that we have the time and energy to always stay the course when it comes to clean eating. And we convince ourselves that this is control. That we are the one at top, finally getting it right.
But at what cost?
I am writing this sitting in the van parked outside my house. There is no key in the ignition, I have nowhere to go. I needed a break. Today was one of those days that I lost control. The kids were terrible, my house was a mess, my plans didn’t go as planned. So my husband walked in and let me take a break. And I had the chance to look back on how I handled the absence of control, and I can’t say that I’m proud. I feel pummeled, chewed up and spit out, as they say.
And I know why. I couldn’t get control of my life, so I kicked and screamed and when that didn’t work, I decided that it was all against me and then sat in the car by myself for a while. But at least the silence let me think for a while.
I am writing this sitting in the van parked outside my house. There is no key in the ignition, I have nowhere to go. I needed a break. Today was one of those days that I lost control. The kids were terrible, my house was a mess, my plans didn’t go as planned. So my husband walked in and let me take a break. And I had the chance to look back on how I handled the absence of control, and I can’t say that I’m proud. I feel pummeled, chewed up and spit out, as they say.
And I know why. I couldn’t get control of my life, so I kicked and screamed and when that didn’t work, I decided that it was all against me and then sat in the car by myself for a while. But at least the silence let me think for a while.
And thinking led me here.
Why is it we fight so hard for control?
I think we are all under the assumption that that is what we are supposed to do. If we have it together, we must be living a
good life, raising a good family. Doing
the right thing. Dare I say, being more
Christian? I think a small part of my
brain has somehow managed to convince itself that having everything under
control somehow places me nearer to God than I otherwise would be.
But then I thought…. What do I actually know about Control and what do I actually know about God?
Well, what does God command us to do?
Love Him with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. And love our neighbors as ourselves.
Also, all those commandments… don’t steal, don’t covet, don’t bear false witness, don’t worship idols, honor your parents…
Seems to me… that all of these things that we need to do as Christians have to do with our own reactions. And so the thought occurred to me…
The only thing that we control is our reaction to the uncontrollable.
And that’s all God asks of us.
And that might sound scary to some, but to me, when this thought skipped through my brain, my entire body relaxed. It does not make me a better woman of God when I have my children always in control, but it does make me a better woman of God when I react with patience. It does not make me a better woman of God when I have a house that is always in control, but it does make me a better woman of God when I react with diligence. It does not make me a better woman of God when I have my marriage always in control, but it does make me a better woman of God when I react with humility.
The peace of this is overwhelming. God knew that we would have no control over the uncontrollable, so He made sure to let us know that He didn’t expect it.
And that is so much better than control.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.”
--Psalm 40: 28
But then I thought…. What do I actually know about Control and what do I actually know about God?
Well, what does God command us to do?
Love Him with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. And love our neighbors as ourselves.
Also, all those commandments… don’t steal, don’t covet, don’t bear false witness, don’t worship idols, honor your parents…
Seems to me… that all of these things that we need to do as Christians have to do with our own reactions. And so the thought occurred to me…
The only thing that we control is our reaction to the uncontrollable.
And that’s all God asks of us.
And that might sound scary to some, but to me, when this thought skipped through my brain, my entire body relaxed. It does not make me a better woman of God when I have my children always in control, but it does make me a better woman of God when I react with patience. It does not make me a better woman of God when I have a house that is always in control, but it does make me a better woman of God when I react with diligence. It does not make me a better woman of God when I have my marriage always in control, but it does make me a better woman of God when I react with humility.
The peace of this is overwhelming. God knew that we would have no control over the uncontrollable, so He made sure to let us know that He didn’t expect it.
And that is so much better than control.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.”
--Psalm 40: 28
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